Hello all yes I am still here still trucking along but the award for the most terrible blogger has to go to me….um it’s May and I am pretty sure I haven’t blogged at all this year. So an update on how life is…..still not pregnant…..still on the waiting list for IVF…..still waiting for the call up…..still WAITING!!!
It has been a hard year emotionally but trying to keep hope and faith alive and keep telling myself and believing it will be my turn soon.
So what have we been up to…
Adam and I had a relatively quiet Christmas then had a fabulous time away camping with our families. We also celebrated our 12 year wedding anniversary in March and had an awesome time away in Melbourne staying with my sister and brother in law. We saw a couple of live shows: “The Lion King” and “Dirty Dancing” they were absolutely amazing, ate out and just had a great few days of rest and relaxation.
We have started some quite big home renovations…took out a wall which opened up our lounge, dining and kitchen….so much more space now. However, we decided we should reline all the walls and ceiling with new gib and insulate at the same time….well that sounded easy in theory but whoa its no quick task. We are into our 3rd or is it 4th week of having no lounge or dining to hang out in. Our bedroom has been our hangout which isn’t all that bad. I love bed so it’s been nice spending lots of time in it hehe. Slowly but surely it is coming together. It’s also been a great distraction for me too, I need something to focus on and keep me busy.
All in all the year has been pretty good but on the other hand it has been my toughest year emotionally, it’s actually been really hard. Our church is having a baby boom and there are pregnancy announcements, baby bumps and new babies everywhere I turn. I don’t know if it just because I want it so much that I am far more aware of it all. It’s like when you buy a new car you then see that same type of car everywhere.
So anyway that pretty much sums up this year in brief.
Sooo my Mother’s Day Fail…
Well usually I am not one to be affected by Mother’s Day, it’s just one day that is all about honouring the Mum’s and I didn’t think this one would be any different. To be honest I really didn’t think much about it all. But…I had a late night, not enough sleep, woke up this morning with a dumb “bloody” gift (of all the freakn days to get my period it had to be today…seriously lousy!), then off to church we go and I’m greeted with stupid technical issues with the computer displays not behaving and not knowing how to fix them, hormones having a field day, trying to hold back the tears that were building up and just wanting to run away from it all and scream plus add in people asking me to get them stuff that I just didn’t have time for….it was all too much. Then get handed the wee Mother’s Day treat that I felt like throwing across the room because I always feel like I’m given it out of pity (which I know is not the case). Anyway, worship starts and I am the one on the computer (down the back of the auditorium thank goodness) doing the song words fighting ever so hard to hold back the tears, but quite a few sneaky ones escaped, keeping my head down avoiding eye contact so no one can see me but also trying to keep focused on the job I was doing. Gah…worse morning ever!! Managed to pull myself together towards the end of the service and snuck away for a few minutes between services only to be discovered by my beautiful, caring friend who threw her arms around me and just hugged me tightly and well that was me…no holding back those tears any more. Flip what an emotional mess. But we had a quick chat and I felt a whole lot better and was actually able to sing and take sermon notes for the next service. Honestly, if I’m not pregnant or have my own baby next mother’s day then I am actually not doing that again, I’m going to boycott church and social media. It was really hard today.
So now that I have been home and had a private emotional breakdown I am feeling quite a lot better. Must have just needed to let out some built up emotions. A good friend of mine reminds me that it’s often coldest right before the dawn and that when you are on the edge of breakthrough that is when it is the toughest. I am so hoping and praying that this is the case and that sometime soon we will walking into our breakthrough. So watch this space…