Will it ever be my turn?

So I got up today and got ready for church like any other Sunday. Decided I felt like wearing a little makeup this particular day which I do now and again….was all ready and it was me this time that was waiting for my darling husband to finish getting ready and we headed off to church together.

Today is Father’s Day which doesn’t really bother Adam the same way it can me. I knew the message was going to be based around Fathers which was fine, I didn’t really think much about it. I also knew that towards the end if the sermon some friends of ours were having their new adopted baby dedicated today, which was also fine…or so I thought. I knew the history around this couples journey to adopting and it is amazing to see it come to pass. They have 2 children of their own (ages 21 and about 11) and 3 1/2 years ago God gave them a vision of adopting a little girl. They imagined it would be an international adoption and had been going through the process of doing this for the past year and a half. And then to me what seemed ‘just like that’ God brought that vision into being. A little girl had been born into a situation where her natural parents were in no position to look after and care for her and long story short they have been able to adopt her.

As they were sharing their story I couldn’t help but be touched by it and shed a wee tear or two for them….happy joyful tears. She then said something that struck an emotional cord that I never expected. She said that she knows there are people who are longing to have their own baby and prays that their story brings hope to them. Well that was the start of an emotional episode that I couldn’t control. It started with just a few sneaky tears which I was discreetly trying to wipe away. The dedication ended and the worship team got up to play one last song and well that was it….boom cry baby central. Why oh why did I wear mascara…of all days!! My dear friend who was sitting behind me obviously could tell I was upset and put a caring hand on my shoulder and that set me off even more. I could hear her praying for me and I am so touched to have friends that are in my corner cheerleading along side of me as I go through this difficult journey.

I am usually always so in control of my emotions (especially in public) but I just couldn’t hold it together today. I don’t know what came over me, I don’t actually even know what I was blubbing about. I don’t recall any one thing that I was thinking in the midst of my episode. It certainly wasn’t a “why not or woe is me” moment. I think it was more of a “I wonder what it feels like to be that person” moment. Imagining being the the one up their holding our precious gift from God and dedicating him or her and wondering if it will ever be my turn.

Even now as I think about it I am feeling those emotions bubbling up inside of me. I have only had that happen one other time quite a few years ago while my Life Group prayed for us and again it all just spewed out of nowhere. Total uncontrollable mess….kinda embarrassing really.

So anyway as I pulled myself together all I could manage saying to God was to please let it be our turn soon. I will continue to pray and believe and trust and imagine. God has His master plan for us and His timing is perfect. All I can hold onto is the fact that my Heavenly Father is the best father there is and only wants the best for me.