The Power of Imagination

I often find myself somewhere in a far away land dreaming and imagining about being preggers or what our little footsteps is going to look like or all of a sudden jumping up out of my chair and running around the room.  Then something brings me back to reality and I carry on about my business brushing off my silly imagination.

However, we had a visiting speaker at church on Sunday (Ps Kevin Forlong) and his message was titled ‘The Power of Imagination’ and it was about how we think in images and pictures not words. If someone says to you ‘dog’ you don’t generally think or see the word ‘dog’ but you will have an image of a dog in your mind.

God has designed us to have imaginations and to see images in our minds. These can be good or bad and we need to make sure that the picture we carry in our hearts is reflective of what God wants. God wants to capture our imaginations and put an image into our hearts and develop it. Ps Kevin shared that you can’t have faith for something you can’t see so it is good for us to imagine….as long as it lines up with God and His Word.

I trust that God has put these images into my heart and I will continue to imagine and visualise those things that I am believing God for……which brings me to a previous imagination session I was having just a couple of weeks ago as I was decorating a baby shower cake for a friend….My Baby Shower…oh how I can’t wait.  I was busy planning and thinking about what kind of theme I might have….little buzzy bees or cute elephants, bunting and balloons, silly games and giveaways, the guest list and of course the CAKE….how am I going to choose what style cake. There are sooo many gorgeous cakes and I LOVE to make and decorate cakes, it’s a little hobby that my amazing sister brushed off onto me.

Here is the ombre ruffle cake made for my friend:

Well thanks for reading my friends an let those imaginations run wild with images and visions of all things good.

Positive and Encouraging

Well the appointment went totally fine and I sooo had nothing to worry or be nervous about at all. The specialist was so nice and she made everything sound amazingly easy. Because we have been trying to conceive for quite a number of years she said there was no point in wasting time trying other things and to jump straight into doing a round of IVF. Only problem is the jolly waiting list. We are a good 10 to 12 months away before we reach the top. But I’m keeping a positive frame of mind, we can use this time to prepare ourselves – get things finished around the house, pay off our debt etc. And we can also believe and pray for God to open my womb and allow us to conceive naturally or He can show favour and move us up the waiting list quicker than a year. So plenty to keep ourselves occupied in the mean time.

I feel so positive and excited and fully believe that in the not too distant future we will actually have our little footsteps with us.

I don’t think there is going to be a lot for me to report on for the next 12 months when it comes to the baby making front so I have decided to share with you some of my general day to day life, so stay tuned, watch this space and I hope you enjoy.

Nervous and Excited

Well here I sit with a nervous yet excited bubble that has been building within me for a week or so now…it is the eve of our first consultation appointment with the Fertility Associates. I ask myself what it is that is making me feel nervous and a little anxious….and I guess it’s really just the unknown….what is the consultant going to be like (she is a woman so that is something I am pleased about), what kind of things are they going to ask, are we going to find out what kind of treatment they want to try, are we going to come away with a positive plan of action, or come away with information overload and not remember anything….gaaah!

However, I think if I am really honest it is the fact that I have a disability that is making me the most nervous.  Not that being a paraplegic has anything to do with my fertility but have they ever dealt with anyone in a wheelchair before, are they going to look at me differently or treat me differently. In my head I know that they will handle our situation with the same respect as any able bodied client but it certainly isn’t going to be the normal for them. I don’t know why I let my disability affect me, it doesn’t define who I am.  I’m more than just ‘the girl in the wheelchair’ but sometimes it seems to (or I let it) overtake my confidence. I don’t know why I do that. Just my silly little insecurities that crop up every now and again.

But putting that nervousness aside I actually can’t wait to find out what it’s all going to be about,. Another step closer to our little footsteps, that is the exciting part!!  So I will be sure to let you all know how we get on. It will more than likely be in a couple of days time as our appointment is late afternoon and afterwards we are going to be going out for tea to celebrate darling husbands 32nd birthday with some family at our all time favourite restaurant…LONE STAR.

Before I go I just want to pray, “Lord, I want to commit our appointment into your hands and ask that You go before us and prepare the way that everything will go smoothly and according to Your plan.  Your ways are higher than my ways and I only want what you want. Thank you Jesus and I ask that you would use us for your glory and we go through this IVF adventure, in Jesus Name, Amen”

 

We’re on the LIST !!!!

My heart just about leapt out of my chest as I noticed a big white A4 size envelope leaning up in my mailbox!!  I just knew what it was before I even picked it up.  I knew it was going to be from the Fertility Clinic and I knew it would tell me where we are heading, it was going to give us our next steps….whether positive or negative.  I could almost not contain the excitement I felt as I began to open up the envelope, there was nothing printed anywhere on the outside to say it was even from them but I knew that they wouldn’t for confidentiality reasons….the postie doesn’t need to know I’m getting fertility mail after all.

I prayed as I was opening the envelope that God would have his hand in whatever was contained inside.  As I read the first line of the letter which was headed ‘First Specialist Appointment’ oh the excitement was so overwhelming.  To finally be starting this adventure is so super exciting and I am going to do my best to try and keep a positive attitude throughout and pray that this would help other people going through the same thing.

So as I continued reading through the letter it says we have been funded to have this first specialist appointment (which is happening towards the end of the month….eeeeee).  This appointment is for us to go through with the doctor our medical history and discuss any questions we may have regarding our fertility and the possible treatment plan.

Then there was a second letter that is headed up ‘Public Funded Waiting List Acceptance’ ….boom!! There it is….“this letter is to confirm that we have reviewed your CPAC score for public funded treatment waiting list and wish to advise that your score is above the threshold for treatment”.  Oh the best feeling ever, even though I had a fair amount of certainty that we would be accepted, to see it in writing just cements it.

Then I read on a wee bit further and it says “currently the wait for call up is approximately 10 months” !!!  Awesome…more waiting!!  I have 2 ways to react to this piece of information 1) I can get all down in the dumps and frustrated with the fact that we have been waiting/trying to conceive for like 9 years already and now another potential year to wait just to reach the top of the list before we can even look at starting any treatment or 2) I can keep a positive attitude (because nothing I do can change the fact that I have to wait regardless) and use this time as preparation because in the big scheme of things…10 months isn’t actually that long when you stop and think about it.  9 years is long and I have managed that pretty well…..so what’s another year 🙂

I pray that God will continue to have His hand in all facets of this adventure and that He will use me somehow to bring glory to Him and also that He is still more than capable of opening my womb for us to conceive naturally as well….husband and I might as well use this time for something haha.

 

Stepping Out

So we are only just starting out on this IVF journey….don’t even know what kind of treatment we will have to go through yet or even if we actually get accepted for publicly funded treatment. I have been believing for our baby for so many years now….it has been a roller coaster ride of fully believing with everything I have and then when nothing happens, month after month you can’t help but get disheartened and then you start to think maybe it’s not in Gods plan for us to have children…..maybe He has something better in store for us…..my mind can’t possibly comprehend what could be better than creating a little human. We have a really great life, I have the most incredible husband, we have an amazing marriage, are financially secure, there is nothing holding us back from doing anything….yet there is that little empty area inside that aches to be filled…that little inbuilt maternal area that desires to be a mother, to experience the beauty of pregnancy and to desperately know what a little half me half hubby would look like.

I believe that God has us on this journey for a reason and that it will bring glory to Him. I am stepping out in faith believing for little footsteps to come into our life. Back when we decided that we start this baby making adventure I asked God to give me something, to show us that we are doing the right thing and that this is what He would have us do. I felt that we needed to start being proactive and to step out because how can God lead and guide you if you aren’t actually moving forward. And God doesn’t always just hand us everything we want or ask for….He wants us to learn and grow in the process.

So I had been praying about this and asking God for a ‘sign’ as such and we had a visiting speaker and his message was about doors and how we are to push on them to see if they open and we can go through. But how can God open or close a door if we don’t walk up to it and turn the handle. I felt so encouraged and that God was speaking straight at me. We needed to start pushing on some doors….so that is what we are doing. Taking one step at a time and pushing on the doors of assisted baby making 🙂

I continue to pray for God to be in control of our lives and to open and close the doors as we keep stepping forward. At the end of the day I still only want what my Heavenly Father wants….His good and perfect will for our lives.

Our 11 Year Anniversary…still no babies

I should have started this blog back in March so I am going to get you up to speed to where we are at today. For a little more background info of our adventure, check out the About Us page.

So here we are heading away to celebrate our 11 year wedding anniversary…..we are both now 31 and still childless.  The topic of conversation for me was….’BABIES’.  I had talked to a very good friend of mine who is in a very similar situation as us and she got me thinking about the future and our family.  I still believe without a doubt that God could just bless us with a baby anytime but I also believe that He won’t just hand everything to us on a silver platter.  Sometimes we actually have to be proactive and step out of our comfort zone, push on some doors and see what happens.

So I shared this with hubby and he agreed. I shared with him that for God to lead and guide us we needed to be active and stepping out, pushing on some doors for God to then be able to open or close them.  We prayed about it and both decided that we would head off to the doctor’s again and see about getting referred to the fertility specialists.

Numerous blood tests later along with smears, swabs, sperm tests and paperwork all our info was compiled and sent off to the specialist.  And now we wait to find out if we are entitled to publicly funded treatment and where we go to from here.